the story of your birthday

Dear Olivia,

At my 20 week sonogram, as soon as the sonographer placed the instrument on my belly, she asked, “What do you have now?” “A boy,” we responded. “Well,” she said, “this looks like a chick.” Of course, I went out that day and bought a pink outfit.

That same day, they discovered that one of your kidneys was slightly larger than it should be. They said there was nothing to worry about and that they would do another ultrasound at 30 weeks to check it again.

Daddy came up the second week in February to work on the bonus room. He wanted to get the guest room moved to get ready for a new nursery for “baby Olivia”. On February 16, daddy died. I was devastated that he would not be able to hold and love you.

At 30 weeks, the ultrasound showed that the kidney was fine, but that my fluid was low. The doctor didn’t seem overly concerned, but said that we would have multiple sonograms until birth to make sure that the fluid amount didn’t drop down to a dangerous level. Each week or so, another sonogram showed that my fluid level was borderline low. Finally, the doctors switched me to a stress test each few days to make sure your heart rate went up when you moved. Those tests were fine, and your heart rate did as it should.

In those last weeks, it also became apparent that you were breech. That, added to the fact that my fluid was low, meant we had to decide how you should be delivered. The doctors could try to manually turn you so that I could have a vaginal birth. Or we could simply opt for a c-section. If they did try to turn you, they decided to do it on a scheduled day close to term so that we could do it at the hospital. That way, if necessary, an emergency c-section could take place. After many days agonizing over what decision we should make, Brian and I finally decided that we would go in at our 38 week appointment and schedule a c-section for the end of May. We would ask for a day when Dr. Chatham was on call.

Thursday, May 19, 2005. 38 weeks. Brian and I met for a doctor’s appointment that morning. This time, I had another sonogram. I can never tell exactly what I’m looking at on the screen, but I did know enough to know that the black spaces indicated fluid. I could only see one small black spot on the screen. I asked the sonographer, “Is there any fluid in there?” She said, “I’m beginning to wonder.” Then she told us that we were probably having our baby today.

Today. Our baby girl would be born today. Wow. My mother was in Charleston. My in-laws were at the beach. It seemed you would be making your grand entrance without an audience.
The doctor came in and said that we would not risk trying to turn you. A c-section was the only option and it was going to happen in the next few hours. As soon as Dr. Toy said that Dr. Chatham was on call, Brian and I knew that everything was happening exactly as it should.

Brian got me checked into the hospital and then went home to get things packed. He also had to get Jacob from school and find a place for him to stay until Maw and Paw could get him.

In the meantime, I was hanging out at the hospital…waiting. Loretta came and stayed with me so I wouldn’t be alone. She brought a stuffed animal and even went to get some blank video tapes for us. It was nice to have her there while I waited.

Brian got back and Loretta left. We spent a very short time together before they wheeled me off to the operating room. As soon as they started putting in my spinal, I started crying. I was a ball of emotions- scared, anxious, excited, overwhelmed. After getting me prepped for surgery, they let your daddy into the room. It took a while for the spinal to take, but finally Dr. Chatham made his incision. Brian watched and began to videotape when Dr. Chatham told him you were getting ready to enter the world. Unfortunately, not knowing we were going to have you early, the video camera didn’t have time to charge. So, no video. I told Brian to just enjoy the birth for the both of us.

A beautiful baby cry. 6 pounds, 2 and a half ounces.

As soon as you were born, Brian told me that you were folded in half, with your feet at your head. After cleaning you up a little, Brian brought you over to me and I met my baby girl for the first time. You were breathtaking. The nurse took our first family picture and then someone explained that you were breathing fast and they wanted to take you to the level 2 nursery. Brian went with you while Dr. Chatham took care of me.

As I came out of recovery, I saw Maw and Paw and then momma walking down the hall. I spent the next few hours hearing about my sweet baby girl, and aching that I had not been able to hold you yet. Your breathing was fast and they attributed that to the fact that you were born by c-section and the fluid was not pushed out of your lungs like it would have been if I had delivered you vaginally.

At about 10 p.m. I explained to anyone who would listen that I wanted a wheelchair now so that I could go meet my precious new baby. There is nothing in this world that compares to holding your child for the first time.

Brian wheeled me into the nursery and the nurse handed you to me. You were perfect in every way.

Your little body was so stiff from not being able to move much inside me. Your middle fingers on both hands were folded down and your first and pinkie fingers overlapped the others. It looked like you were giving the “I love you” symbol. Your legs were crossed at your ankles and your left knee was extended. You had overriding sutures and the soft spot at the front of your head was large.

You weren’t much into nursing, but we tried. After a while, and certainly not long enough, we said goodnight and you spent your first night in the level 2 nursery.

And I went to bed as the mother of two precious children.

Over the next three days, you began to teach us about yourself. You had a quiet cry and you were very content, despite being stiff. Dr. Duralia, your pediatrician, came in to discuss that he wanted to do some chromosomal testing. We asked why, and he said the only thing telling us would do is cause needless worry. How thankful we are that he didn’t tell us he was testing for Trisomy 18. We would be home a few days later before finding out the results of the tests indicated no chromosomal defects.

We spent quite a bit of time in the level 2 nursery with you. Your breathing got better and you were able to spend some time in our room by the second evening. You met your big brother, who presented you with a letter and picture that he made the week before. He had named you Sally soon after he found out it was a girl. Written on your letter, Jacob had both names- Sally and Olivia.

We spoke with an occupational therapist and she showed us some therapy exercises to help your stiff joints. Looking back, I think your daddy and I figured you were going to work out all that stiffness in a short time. It wasn’t until a couple of weeks later that we heard the word arthrogryposis.

You had a CT scan on your kidneys and your brain. Except for slightly oversized kidneys, the CT scan showed that everything was normal. The purpose of the scan on your brain was to make sure all the sections were there, and they were.

Your daddy and I had mixed emotions while at the hospital. Sometimes, we talked about how concerned we were with your issues. And often, I cried. But, at the same time, we were at peace about it all. It's hard to explain exactly. We just trusted that everything would work out, that God was with us. You were here and we loved you. And we could handle anything together.

We brought you home on Sunday. Our family of four.

There was a time during my pregnancy when I was scared that this new little person was going to disrupt the family that Brian, Jacob and I had created. Olivia Paige, you’ve stolen our hearts.

And the truth is, you completed our family.