In Christ, there are no goodbyes
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
I've been hearing this song in my head so much lately. It's a good thing too, because I've needed to remember these words.
This weekend, every time I turned around, I was thinking of daddy. We cleaned out the Christmas closet, and I found a Christmas card from him to me. He signed it, "Forever, Daddy". And then later, I found a Christmas tag attached to an empty gift bag: To: Donna, From: Momma and Daddy. Little reminders of him, little nothings really, but still enough to bring me to tears.
I don't have many tangible reminders of daddy. There isn't a house full of keepsakes or collectibles of his that I have displayed on shelves. He wasn't a rich man, with high social standing. The truth is, he was a quiet man and the hardest working man I've ever known, to the point that he rarely was involved in my day to day life. There are times I resented him for it, because he never attended any school function I had until I graduated high school. But the man lived a young life that I can't imagine surviving. Orphaned, unloved, known only by his first name. How he ever made anything of his life is a testament to his strength and determination to overcome the hardships of this world.
Was Daddy perfect? Of course not. He was a complicated man, and some people found it difficult to understand him. But, he also was an amazing man, at least in my eyes...
He was a dreamer. He always had a dream just beyond his reach- and he encouraged me to dream in the same way.
He was a pilot. I think he found peace in the air that he couldn't find on the ground.
He was a philosopher.
He always could explain the "truths" of life to me.
He proudly took the path less traveled.
And in those last few years, he seemed at peace with his life.
I ache when I think of these children growing up without their Paca. To me, that has been the hardest part of losing him. He would be so proud of Jacob and how caring and loving he is. And he would be so in love with our baby girl. I'm sure he would be telling me right now how strong she is and how much of her Paca she has in her.
God promises us that there are no goodbyes. So in times like this, when I have so many thoughts of Daddy, I'm comforted by this promise.
2 comments:
It is a good thing that I am the first one to work every morning so that no one has to watch the pregnant woman with tears streaming down her face. I have a cold right now so hopefully no one will question the puffy red eyes when they show up in a few mintues.
I am beginning to understand why they say the holidays are so hard and sometimes lonely. You remember what is used to be like and long for it to be that way again. However, I try to remember that it is our turn to make new memories and traditions with our own children. Through their eyes, we can start to see the magic again.
We also have to remember, that even though Paca is not here to take them fishing and read them a book, we are still here. And some of his best traits live on through us and we can try to work on bettering ourselves through his example. To take the time to make plans and dreams and not forget to be happy and strive to treasure moments.
A couple of weekeneds ago, I dreamed of Daddy. I woke up not remembering the dream, but I know it happened because when Shaun hugged me on Sunday morning I suddenly remembered how real it felt when Daddy had hugged me in my dream. I believe without a doubt that he comes to visit me in my dreams. I can't explain how that is possible, but I know that he does.
I do believe that I will see him again someday, but I also know that in the meantime I have to keep on trucking along and to live my life for my family and the people who are still here and never stop dreaming along the way......
All my love,
Stephanie
(((hugs))) No words, just sending you a prayer from here. I know it is hard.
Post a Comment