He alone knows.

"Just remember, though we may not ever understand why things happen, I firmly believe there is a reason - and God knows what it is already. You've always called Olivia your "mystery girl". In one aspect, you're lucky to be a part of a plan that only God knows the reasons behind. Have you ever thought of that? He picked YOU and Brian to be a part of this mystery plan. And one day, you'll find out what it was all about AND THEN, I'll be lucky too because I know you, and I'll get to share in your blessings - and Olivia is a blessing and a mystery. Pretty awesome chick, I think."

I got this in an email from my dear friend, Terri, yesterday and every time I read it, tears fill my eyes.

It's so true- this mystery may be unsolved for us until God prepares us for the answers. Until then, He alone knows. He knows the life planned for Olivia, for Jacob, and even for Brian and me. And as much as I love my sweet children and my amazing husband, He loves them even more.

The reasons why I haven't blogged lately are simple and complex. This place was always just a space for me, but as much as I wear my heart on my sleeve, it has also been a place for friends and family to catch up on the happenings of the Murray house (and a glimpse into the mind of Donna). Yet, the last few months have been a blur of emotions, some of which I choose not to share with the world.

So, here I am, craving to write, yet unsure where to start.

Olivia has been on sleeping meds for about five weeks now and it has been life-altering. We no longer sleep in her floor and we are all getting a good night's sleep consistently. It's amazing how sleep deprivation can keep you from functioning. Even Olivia seems more alert since she started Clonidine. She even melted my heart with her new word. Mama.

Truth be told, I'm still not sure she is naming me. But, who cares. It is such an awesome sound to hear. She gives it a bit of Italian flair by pronouncing it, "ma-MA." Love it. Love her.

Speaking of baby girls, my sister now has one of her own. Caroline Evelynn has been here a week and I can't wait to meet her in person. The day she was born, I walked around all day saying, "Sweet, sweet Caroline. Can't wait to meet her!" and Olivia would just belly laugh every time I said it.

Jacob has grown an inch and a half in two months. (Marked on the kitchen wall growth chart.) Apparently, it's all in his legs as his jeans have suddenly become too short. And speaking of length, Olivia has a new do after Maw cut about three inches off her hair. She looks like such a big girl now.

Changes everywhere, big and small...

We visited the Conover School a couple of months ago and fell in love with the idea that it would be Olivia's new home. That was the final push to get us headed to Hickory, so we've been looking at houses ever since. And this week, the For Sale sign goes in the yard... Oh, what a bittersweet time... We love this house. We love the home we've made in this house. But, as Brian says, if Olivia needs to be at the Conover School, then this is just a house and we'll find another one to make our home in. Have I mentioned lately that he is my one true love?

What can we do but pray for God to lead us where we should be? It is nice to know that we don't have to move, so we won't have the stress of doing so by a certain time. Just praying. Praying for guidance and peace about these decisions. He alone knows.